Prime minister David Cameron in a statement today said that the case for NHS reform could be seen by cutting through an aubergine.
He said that medical professionals, the BMA and other health unions, policy experts and patients who doubted the case for reform should go out immediately and cut through an aubergine. “The patterns made by the seeds clearly spell out the need for a complete overhaul and privatisation of the National Health Service” he said, looking very pleased with himself.
He said the case was more urgent than ever because his aubergine was beginning to go brown and wrinkly which made it a bit more difficult to read.
In a separate report, Secretary of State for Health Andrew Lansley pointed out on his regular BBC radio 4 show ‘Before and after the Archers’, that the case for change was spelled out very clearly in his tea leaves. Questioned about the evidence base for his reforms he explained that Professors from the King’s Fund and other so-called experts didn’t know anything about tea leaves and were in fact communist reactionaries who should be ignored.
In a ingenious attempt to clarify the government’s case for change to a bewildered public, highly respected policy experts Andy Cowper of Health Policy Insight and Alastair McLellan of the Health Service Journal interpretated the reforms by singing acapellas of top hits by 1980’s miserablist band The Smiths.
In a poll of Hackney patients by Dr Tomlinson, 9/10 believed in tea-leaves and none had heard of Captain Beefheart.